Tag Archive: Friendship

This is something to talk about, not hide away or make people ashamed of. Be there for the ones you love.

Happily Ever After*

Hi. I’m Danni and I have Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m presently  untreated, and unmedicated.

I’m pretty high-functioning, though, so most people don’t realize how hard I’m working to keep my eyes open because my depressed brain wants to sleep for 14 hours a day and my anxiety maybe lets me get 5. Or that I’m keeping my limbs tucked in tight partly to be polite and take up less space because I’m paranoid about my size, but mostly because even on a rush hour train I’m afraid an accidental touch from a stranger is going to trigger a bout with the screaming meemees.

I present as perfectly calm, put together, and slightly detached, even aloof sometimes.

Meanwhile the inside of my head looks a bit more like this with a soundtrack of Dani Filth-like shrieks overlaid:

20190119_105632 Storage, after approximately 21 hours of clean up (non-consecutive)

Last year was…

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Oh Hey, I am Running Boston

This is my friend, she is a great person, always encouraging me with my running. Now she needs encouragement and money, check out the blog. Do what you can. Thank you.

Running for My Life

So, figured I should start a better blog for all my running crap that I wish to spew about, because Tumblr ain’t cutting it.  Right now my big running news is I AM RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON, SO AWESOME.  This will end up being my 3rd Marathon as I am currently training for the Philadelphia Marathon and have already run the Vermont City Marathon.  Of course running Boston means you either need to qualify, or run for charity, and while my speed has improved, I am not that fast yet, so charity it is.  I am running for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute, because who really has not been affected my cancer, a disease I would love to disappear.  Anyways, I could use all of your help with this as I need donations, A LOT of donations.  I have to raise at least $5000, so if you could donate, or…

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Babysitting upstate

Not really babysitting since the girl is 25, she had surgery on her sinuses on Monday and so needs someone here to make sure she is o.k. I also helped her with her sinus rinse since I am somewhat of a pro at them. After she did it, her exact words: “Oh my goodness! My nose feels so good!” She is not allowed to actually blow her nose so all the blood and other gunk just sits there. The sinus rinse clears it out as well as moisturizes her mucus membranes. I can imagine it is a wonderful feeling to get all that out of there.

For a while we weren’t able to get online. I thought my old laptop, which is now hers, had the connection to the router here saved, apparently the password has been changed. Then the hotspot on my phone wouldn’t work and I couldn’t connect through her phone’s hotspot. I sent a couple of angry texts to the boy. I always blame him for everything. Now we are online through the router instead of my phone. I just reset it and we were connected and eating up my data, for some reason the hotspot want to use cellular data not the house wifi, yes my phone and iPad were working through the wifi even though I couldn’t connect through my laptop.

After all that, I couldn’t remember what I wanted to write here. It was brilliant though.

The young male cat here has been avoiding me since I got here. For some reason he is afraid of me.

I was banished to the basement, the girl was sleeping where I normally sleep when I come and so I had to sleep in her room. My biggest complaint about sleeping in her room is the mad parrot in her room that hates me. It’s not personal she hates everyone except the girl.

And that is the end of today’s updates. Talk to you soon.

Old dogs

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?’

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’ says the panther, ‘That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!’

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!’

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says…

‘Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!’

Moral of this story

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
 BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don’t send this to some ‘old’ friends right away
,there will be fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more ‘youthfully challenged’.

You did notice the size of the print, didn’t you?

LOL . . .

I really did Laugh Out Loud!!!

How about you???

>And thus the week ends.

>The perfect week

My week started with finding out a dear friend’s husband had just left her. Then on Tuesday, a day I was planning to return some boots and get some candy for Em. Instead I ended up in the Beth Israel emergency room.

Then when I went to work Friday I forgot to take the boots to return. I was at work fretting about forgetting the boots when I got a text from Stitch telling me the driver side mirror had been hit and was broken.

So now I need a new mirror. It can wait, do I really need to see where I’ve been?

I hate cars.

>Retail Therapy

>There are probably some people who will say I shouldn’t be talking about ‘retail therapy’ on Martin Luther King, Jr’s Day, however, if not for this day, I would not have been able to engage in this therapy. I would have had to go to work and who knows how the day would have ended.

Em had her nail appointment and I had no idea what I should do. Since I had been looking for boots online I decided I would see what I could find in the city. Here’s what I did, I signed into ‘Yelp’ and looked for shoe stores. Then I looked for one that was close and had 1 dollar sign. I found Bonito Shoes on 6th Avenue near 38th Street. I didn’t check the reviews, I was looking for cheap. Every pair of boots was $40. I bought two pairs because the pair I was looking at online was $80. However, when I got home I discovered that one of the pairs was the wrong size, so tomorrow I have to go back to the store. I also got a little blister on my foot since I wore one pair all day.

Em had a groupon, but she decided she didn’t want to walk all the way up to where the restaurant was, so we just walked about until we found a nice little restaurant, publike place. It was called Papillon; 22 E. 54th St; New York, NY 10022. It had your standard burgers and salads and suchlike fare. Plus the best pumpernickel rolls you could ever hope to have, anywhere.

After that we went to ‘5th Avenue Chocolatiere’, which for some strange reason is on 3rd Avenue, not 5th. Em wanted to get chocolates for people at her office, she kept saying she was going to buy the peanut butter and coconut chocolates. I asked her for the chocolate gun and handcuffs. I had to settle for a chocolate covered pretzel with mini M&M’s on it.

It was a good day, a day that got worse when I saw the wrong size shoes, then got better when I saw an e-mail from my friend, “Darling we are alright.”


>How does one do it?

>Today was church and I was there. I always try to be there, I became a little slacker and now am making a concerted effort to go every week. I missed last Wednesday for a combination of reasons. So when I noticed my friend Emilia was having a rough time, other friends crowding around to support her. I wondered what was up. I got a little annoyed since it was obviously something big, like maybe a death in the family, I figured it had been announced Wednesday and no one had bothered to tell me. I racked my brain trying to remember if both her parents were alive, then I figured, oh it couldn’t be one of her family since she’s here, it must be a relative of Wayne, her husband.

After services were over I walked over to see her, everyone was hugging her and as I stood next to another friend who put her arm around me, I still had no clue. But I was the good friend and hugged her and pretended to understand and know, know what?

When Em and I were getting ready to go to the gym, she told me what had happened, “Wayne’s gone.”

Gone. Gone as in just gone. Just packed up his stuff and left Emilia and the church community and everything. They had been married for a while when I met them, over 20 years ago, they must have been married for over 30 years. They were always low key about things like their anniversary and stuff.

How does someone do that? After 30 years just pack up and leave? “Oh its been fun but I really have to go now.” “This has been a nice experiment but I don’t think it’s going to work.” “You’re a really nice person but I just don’t think we’re compatible.” “I really do love you but I don’t think I want to live with you.” After 30 years? I can’t wrap my head around this, I’m pretty sure Emilia can’t either. I mean, I don’t know how she was in private, but she was always super nice to everyone. There never seemed to be any real problems between them. Maybe that was the problem, no conflict, no excitement, maybe he just got to bored to stay.

As I was sitting here thinking about this and thinking about another person who might have lost her home, I realized that I am a horrible person. These people’s lives are falling apart and I’m complaining about my cold toes!

>On a book website that I frequent, I met a woman named Ló, we had the same taste in books and for some reason, became closer then some of the other women on the site. She was living in Brazil and frequently mentioned how hard it was for her to get books. Many times she had to pay more in shipping then the cost of the book. When I finished a book I liked but didn’t think I would re-read it, or just to make room in my crowded space, I would send it to her. She always wanted to know what I wanted back, Postcards I told her. I love postcards. So she sent me postcards from Brazil. I even posted them on this blog, here and here.

A few months back she told me she was moving, she wasn’t happy in Brazil, she and her husband were making plans to move. I was sad that I wasn’t going to be able to chat with her as often as I had been, different time zone and all. Then the week before her planed move her beloved cat died. She was very distressed by this. Yet, she remembered me and asked if I would like her to send some postcards from where she was moving to. Here is one, I got it last week.

Yes, Australia, she moved to Australia because she lived there before and was happy there. I sent her an e-mail telling her I got the cards, and that I loved frogs. She sent a reply apologizing for taking so long. Then no more e-mails, which didn’t concern me, I figured she was busy with moving and settling in and so forth. Meanwhile I watched the floods on the news, in Australia. Then it finally hit me, how close were the floods to my friend Ló? I looked at the postcards:

Queensland, then I googled Australia flooding, Queensland. Shit. I feel like such a jerk now. I am not really thoughtless, just clueless. At least that is what I keep telling myself. My niece says I am extremely self-centered. My niece is a bitch just like her mother. That is being kind.

Now I am worried about not hearing from Ló. It has been 8 days since she e-mailed me. I sincerely hope that the reason she hasn’t e-mailed me is she hasn’t had access to a computer, not anything extremely worse. But I keep thinking maybe she got swept away. I’ll never know if that happened since the only way I have of contacting her is by e-mail.

The self-hate has begun.

>A Social Network

>In case you’ve been living under a rock, “A Social Network” is a movie about Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin, the founders/creators of Facebook. No this is not a review of the movie.

I went to see A Social Network with my best friend’s (who I have been living with for the last 20+ years) 3 boys. The opening scene is Mark Zuckerberg in a bar with the girl he was dating, less then 5 minutes into this scene, Nick leans over and says, “This guy (Mark Zuckerberg) is an asshole.” I replied, “No, he has Asperger’s Syndrome.” Nick replies, “Yes he does, he’s worse than dad and Andrew.” Pauses “But he’s still a dick.”

How much of an Aspie is Mark Zuckerberg? He’s a billionaire and he still can’t get a date, of course I would date him, but I love aspies(my friend pointed that wasn’t the only thing, he’s also a billionaire and I have no ethics, maybe so, but because I understand aspies, I would last more than one date). I just saw it again with the friend whose children I took the first time. The whole way through the movie she kept saying, “That’s my husband.”

When I first thought of doing this post, it was because I read a tweet about a man (referred to as an autism father, I assume that means he is a father with a child with autism) who said, “Let me tell you how it is.” Even though I am not a parent, I know there is a fallacy in that statement. Even in the exact same situation there are differences in persons with the same disorder. The friend I mentioned above has 4 children, her husband has Asperger’s Syndrome. Her oldest son and daughter have Asperger’s Syndrome combined with Bi-polar disorder. Her middle son has ADHD and the youngest has ADHD with Bi-polar disorder. It’s a fun house to live in. All are different even though all have the same home situation.

Her oldest was talking at 10 months old. He would line up his cars in a ruler straight line. At 18 months old his favorite video was a documentary about whales, he would watch it every day. He would tell people facts about whales. Such as what they ate, the fact they don’t have teeth, which whale is the largest in the world. Even today as an adult he has trouble with colloquial expressions. My friend told him to run the vacuum. He stood there wondering, where she wanted him to run the vacuum to. We were watching a T.V. show and one of the characters ordered food with extra raw onions. He asked how to get onions to be extra raw? I explained to him, he means an extra amount of onions.

Her daughter on the other hand, didn’t speak, wouldn’t make eye contact and didn’t like to be touched. She still doesn’t. Unless she was obsessed and fixated on something, we had no idea if she liked something.

All growing up with identical situations, all different. So you should never say, “I’ll tell you what’s it’s like.” or judge someone else based on your life experiences. We are all different.

>All better

>Just needed a day away, time to myself and time with myself and Em. Had lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant and just kind of wandered around.