Latest Entries »

Numbers game

While reevaluating this blog I started looking at the numbers. If you look at the numbers, this is not a successful blog. It is more like an online diary or journal. My first blog post was on November 27, 2006. I have 1,565 posts, that averages out to 98 posts a year. There were 14,705 hits on those posts. That averages out to 10 hits a post. Rather abysmal. I don’t view this as bad or sad or anything, I started this blog because since I have been a little girl I have kept a diary/journal, so in a sense I am rather glad not many people are reading. It makes this feel more private.

What is disheartening is reading the first posts I made. I wrote like I was talking to someone, making jokes and snarky comments. Now I am just reporting life, not seeing the joy in it. There is no more joy in my life apparently.

It always starts this way.

“Excuse me I hate to bother you.” Then why are you? “I’m two chapters away from completing my book.” That’s a new one. “I am writing about homeless black Muslims. I am a homeless black Muslim man.” Shocked I tell you, I am shocked. “I just need $20 for some turkey bacon, pancakes, and eggs for my wife and I. If you don’t have cash I have Cash App.” WHAT?

Of course there was more. He loves everybody. Blacks, whites, Asians. Christians, Atheists. How do I know this? He only told us about 5 times in the time it took to go from 86th St to 72nd St on the Q train.

The first time someone said that to me, it was a bartender at a place I hadn’t been to in a few months. It seemed to me a cool way to say, “Haven’t seen you in a coon’s age thought you had died.”.


So, to everyone who may have thought I died, I didn’t. I just disappeared into a deep dark place. I am talking depression, aggravated by excessive alcohol consumption.


My father is an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. I was going to say, “I guess”, but there is no guessing. It is a fact. Today I went to work with the worst headache and feeling like I was going to puke. Yes, hungover.


My reason for writing this here is I know I should quit. So far, I haven’t been able to. Writing it down means, I must think about it. I must face the fact that the amount of alcohol I consume on a weekly basis will kill me. It’s not a maybe or an if. It’s a when.


When I first thought about writing this post, I had a lot more in my head. Now that I have started it, all the pretty words have deserted me. Now I am staring at this screen wondering if I should post it. Do I want the world to know? Oh that’s right, I have 5 maybe 6 people that read this.


Signing off. B

It’s been a minute. The last time we had Outdoors Day at Mt. Loretto was 2019. Here’s hoping it once again becomes an annual event. For me it’s a workday outside of the office. A chance to meet people I don’t normally work with and meet the public.

I was assigned to “Camping”. I don’t camp, my idea of camping is a hotel with no room service. But I was going to make the best of it. Outside with fresh air (pollen), nature (ticks) and people (too many). The highlight of the place was Smores. We had a campfire and all the ingredients. I don’t know how to make Smores, I’ve never made or eaten Smores. Someone said today might be the day! It was not.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t stick around much. Did a lot of wandering, my co-worker was there with his wife and dog, he said he didn’t mind.

One thing I saw, after completing the Nature Walk and walking back to my designated spot was a Mallard duck. I thought it was a decoy because it was so perfect looking and still. I walked toward it and it turned and quacked at me. Definitely a real duck.

We left after planting a tree in memoriam to a co-worker that has sadly passed away. Their family was there and it got really emotional, for them, I didn’t really work with them or know them very well.

My ride dropped me off down town so I walked to Fool’s Gold on Houston Street for a beer (or a dozen, lost count).

All around a good day.

Caitlin Rother asked me to read and review this book and provided me with a copy.

I have not been otherwise compensated for this review.

When Caitlin Rother contacted me about writing this review she said, “You’ve probably heard of this case.” And yes I had, because I follow Caitlin on Facebook. That was my only exposure to if before reading this book.

When looking at the book description my first thought was, “How could they come to a finding of suicide when she was gagged and tied up?” No spoilers here, it’s in the book description. “Somebody was paid off.” But as the book description states, there is so much more to this case. And Caitlin digs deep. She has several years experience as an investigative journalist and it shows. She explores every angle, goes after people for interviews and prepares well for those interviews to get to the truth. And what is the truth? Was it murder or suicide?

I’m not going to tell you what I think, you will have to read the book to form your own opinion, and you should read this book. Some may find the ending of this book unsatisfying, but it is what it is, the truth of the matter and not Caitlin Rother’s fault. This is truly a bizarre, mystifying and at times confusing case.

If you have read any of my other reviews, you know that I tend to write short reviews. The reason being I am not here to recap the story, just report if I think it is worth reading. Also, I tend to blaze through books and don’t take notes. If you are are a true crime fan that likes their books thoroughly researched and well written, I recommend this book. If you are looking for a book that ties everything up in a neat little bow, this is not the book for you. There are still many questions that we may never know the answer to, such is life sometimes. You will finish this book very well informed of the case and not bored.

This is an improvement?

Decided to post on Knitting with a city girl, haven’t posted in a while and got the new block editor! Yay! Except after trying three times to center my pictures, they are still on the left side! What the actual fuck WordPress? Below is how it should look.

And other lies I tell myself. Like, not starting any new projects until I finish some.

Covid-19

When I first moved to the city I took a picture of me in front of my window to show everyone I had fucking arrived and now everything is fucking shit!

This is me now, so fucking fat and ugly. Thought living in the city was my dream. And it was, until it wasn’t.

I look out at these businesses and wonder, will any of them reopen? To illustrate my fear, the black building is a parking garage that temporarily closed during the construction of the 2nd Avenue Subway. It has not reopened.

March 16 was the first day of working remotely, NYS way of saying we are working from home. At first it was until March 30, it is now April 13 and I am still at home.

At first it was, Yay! No getting up early or having to get dressed! And it was fun. Then I started to think about all the things I wasn’t getting done. Not being able to pop by the brewery after work for a pint. The isolation is starting to wear on me.

And then started the petty annoyances, not being able to go anywhere, wanting to sew face masks and not having the supplies and nowhere to buy them. Ordering contacts and not getting them and it’s been a month. Ordering knitting supplies and having the store call me to say they can’t ship them.

Then things started to break, the home button on my iPhone, a knitting needle, and most heart rending of all, my laptop. Yes I am typing this on my iPad with an itty bitty keyboard. At least I have an iPad with a keyboard.

If any thing else breaks, I’m hiding under the bed until July.

Haiku

The train is crowded
Speeds along swaying, rocking
I make myself small

Link to article

Typically you would think a day late in November would be too cold for the beach, but that wasn’t the case on a recent walk at Mount Loretto Unique Area. It was not that hot, but not that cold. You needed a jacket, but not gloves and hats.

The sun was bouncing off the water which was nearly flat, it was so calm.

“It’s a nice time of the year,” said Glenn Mazzola.

Joe Padalino was not thrilled to hear we were going to the beach.

“I didn’t want to get caught in the sand,” said Padalino who uses a wheelchair to get around.

But it was a different story when we traveled from the parking lot along the non-vehicular road to the coastal area of the state park. There were two paths to the beach to help people go places they couldn’t usually go.

“Now I feel good because I am actually on the beach,” said Padalino from the observation deck at the end of one of the paths. “It’s not something I get to do much.”

“It’s a good place to get lost in your mind,” he added.

What made it especially nice was Howie Fischer, an experienced birder, met us there. He had his telescope for getting a better look at the water fowl out in the bay which included brant, grebes, loons and ducks.

A black-and-white duck (bufflehead) was one some of us got a good look at. Fischer reported back that he saw or heard 30 species, and he helped us be aware of some of them even if we didn’t get a good look.

We started our visit to MLUA at the observation deck on the Mount Loretto Pond near the parking lot. This is a special place for Lifestyles because we were at the ribbon cutting for the accessible trail to the observation deck.

At the pond we saw geese, and a large blue-and-white bird (great blue heron) and a small blue-and-white bird (a kingfisher), both with serious beaks for fishing.

Take a look at our photos for more of what we saw and commentary on it.

Written collaboratively by Joseph Jones, Greg Mazzola, Dolores Palermo, Joseph Padalino, Steven Filoramo for Life-Wire News Service with Kathryn Carse.