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I got a new laptop computer. My laptop was OK, but had Windows 10, which will soon no longer be supported. I had to buy a wireless keyboard for it. Too old to be bothered fixing the keyboard. Then the speakers went. So, new laptop.

This new laptop is shiny and pretty. And it is new to me, I try to avoid buying new if used will do. REDUSE, REUSE, RECYCLE is my motto. Kind of why I was not very upset when I ended up in a governmental environmental agency.

However, I had no idea what I wanted to say tonight so will sigh off. I hope I signed into the right account. 😂

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My friend I moved in with doesn’t drink coffee so when I moved I brought my Keurig. She set up a little ‘coffee corner’ for the Keurig, my coffee canister and filters. OK, it was already there because her youngest drinks coffee. I had a nicer Keurig, so she sold his and put mine in the spot. She complained about me not dumping out the coffee grounds because she hates the smell of stale coffee grounds. To be fair, so do I. I was just confused because previously she had mentioned dumping the grounds when they are dry, but if I wait for them to dry, I forget.

She has different plastic containers to put the coffee grounds in so she can put them in her garden. So when I was dumping the grounds from the filter to the rinsed out sour cream tub I started to ask her, “When you said dump the coffee grounds did you mean from this container or” because, as I said I was confused and wanted clarification. She interrupted me and said, “I’m putting those in the mailbox.” See picture.

I froze mid-tap, she quickly says, “I mean, the planter!” Laughs “I just realized how that sounded.”

Me: “Yes, I was wondering what you had against your mailman.”

My friend wanted to move her mailbox, then decided she would just get a new one. She got the idea for a planter from her neighbor. Get a big planter, cut the post to the correct length, put in the planter and put cement in it. When the cement was dry she added rocks, dirt (coffee grounds) and flowers. She thought she could separate the flowers and spread them around the planter but the roots were not cooperative. Still, pretty purple asters.

But I don’t feel settled in yet. I was always walking on egg shells when I lived with Molly before, but now, everything is different. In ways I can’t explain. I knew my place before, but the children are grown so Molly doesn’t need a Nanny, so what am I doing here?

Moving is stressful

I have yet to get used to this new format.

I moved in with my girlfriend. Which most would think would cause less stress. However, she is bugging me about not getting my boxes unpacked. I am moving from an apartment to a bedroom. I need time! Plus I am stressed about my $300 Con Edison bill, and my landlord said he is charging me a cleaning fee! Everyone is, don’t worry, security deposit, interest, yadda yadda yadda. None of them are on the hook for the money!

Hello again my friends

I have been away for a long time. Depression and anxiety are as they say, hella drugs. I don’t like them. They make life hard for me.

When I get unpacked and all that fucking shit, I will come back. But I want to write and talk about what has happened recently.

First of all, I have moved out of the city. My girlfriend (aka BFF), her husband died and now she had a room for me to move back in with her. Full disclosure, one of the reasons I moved away was him. It’s not a secret. Does that make me feel any lest guilty? NO OF COURSE NOT!

WordPress has changed .

Numbers game

While reevaluating this blog I started looking at the numbers. If you look at the numbers, this is not a successful blog. It is more like an online diary or journal. My first blog post was on November 27, 2006. I have 1,565 posts, that averages out to 98 posts a year. There were 14,705 hits on those posts. That averages out to 10 hits a post. Rather abysmal. I don’t view this as bad or sad or anything, I started this blog because since I have been a little girl I have kept a diary/journal, so in a sense I am rather glad not many people are reading. It makes this feel more private.

What is disheartening is reading the first posts I made. I wrote like I was talking to someone, making jokes and snarky comments. Now I am just reporting life, not seeing the joy in it. There is no more joy in my life apparently.

It always starts this way.

“Excuse me I hate to bother you.” Then why are you? “I’m two chapters away from completing my book.” That’s a new one. “I am writing about homeless black Muslims. I am a homeless black Muslim man.” Shocked I tell you, I am shocked. “I just need $20 for some turkey bacon, pancakes, and eggs for my wife and I. If you don’t have cash I have Cash App.” WHAT?

Of course there was more. He loves everybody. Blacks, whites, Asians. Christians, Atheists. How do I know this? He only told us about 5 times in the time it took to go from 86th St to 72nd St on the Q train.

The first time someone said that to me, it was a bartender at a place I hadn’t been to in a few months. It seemed to me a cool way to say, “Haven’t seen you in a coon’s age thought you had died.”.


So, to everyone who may have thought I died, I didn’t. I just disappeared into a deep dark place. I am talking depression, aggravated by excessive alcohol consumption.


My father is an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. I was going to say, “I guess”, but there is no guessing. It is a fact. Today I went to work with the worst headache and feeling like I was going to puke. Yes, hungover.


My reason for writing this here is I know I should quit. So far, I haven’t been able to. Writing it down means, I must think about it. I must face the fact that the amount of alcohol I consume on a weekly basis will kill me. It’s not a maybe or an if. It’s a when.


When I first thought about writing this post, I had a lot more in my head. Now that I have started it, all the pretty words have deserted me. Now I am staring at this screen wondering if I should post it. Do I want the world to know? Oh that’s right, I have 5 maybe 6 people that read this.


Signing off. B

It’s been a minute. The last time we had Outdoors Day at Mt. Loretto was 2019. Here’s hoping it once again becomes an annual event. For me it’s a workday outside of the office. A chance to meet people I don’t normally work with and meet the public.

I was assigned to “Camping”. I don’t camp, my idea of camping is a hotel with no room service. But I was going to make the best of it. Outside with fresh air (pollen), nature (ticks) and people (too many). The highlight of the place was Smores. We had a campfire and all the ingredients. I don’t know how to make Smores, I’ve never made or eaten Smores. Someone said today might be the day! It was not.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t stick around much. Did a lot of wandering, my co-worker was there with his wife and dog, he said he didn’t mind.

One thing I saw, after completing the Nature Walk and walking back to my designated spot was a Mallard duck. I thought it was a decoy because it was so perfect looking and still. I walked toward it and it turned and quacked at me. Definitely a real duck.

We left after planting a tree in memoriam to a co-worker that has sadly passed away. Their family was there and it got really emotional, for them, I didn’t really work with them or know them very well.

My ride dropped me off down town so I walked to Fool’s Gold on Houston Street for a beer (or a dozen, lost count).

All around a good day.

Caitlin Rother asked me to read and review this book and provided me with a copy.

I have not been otherwise compensated for this review.

When Caitlin Rother contacted me about writing this review she said, “You’ve probably heard of this case.” And yes I had, because I follow Caitlin on Facebook. That was my only exposure to if before reading this book.

When looking at the book description my first thought was, “How could they come to a finding of suicide when she was gagged and tied up?” No spoilers here, it’s in the book description. “Somebody was paid off.” But as the book description states, there is so much more to this case. And Caitlin digs deep. She has several years experience as an investigative journalist and it shows. She explores every angle, goes after people for interviews and prepares well for those interviews to get to the truth. And what is the truth? Was it murder or suicide?

I’m not going to tell you what I think, you will have to read the book to form your own opinion, and you should read this book. Some may find the ending of this book unsatisfying, but it is what it is, the truth of the matter and not Caitlin Rother’s fault. This is truly a bizarre, mystifying and at times confusing case.

If you have read any of my other reviews, you know that I tend to write short reviews. The reason being I am not here to recap the story, just report if I think it is worth reading. Also, I tend to blaze through books and don’t take notes. If you are are a true crime fan that likes their books thoroughly researched and well written, I recommend this book. If you are looking for a book that ties everything up in a neat little bow, this is not the book for you. There are still many questions that we may never know the answer to, such is life sometimes. You will finish this book very well informed of the case and not bored.