Category: Personal not private


Numbers game

Filed under: Emotions, Manhattan, New York, Personal not private
February 6, 2023

While reevaluating this blog I started looking at the numbers. If you look at the numbers, this is not a successful blog. It is more like an online diary or journal. My first blog post was on November 27, 2006. I have 1,565 posts, that averages out to 98 posts a year. There were 14,705 hits on those posts. That averages out to 10 hits a post. Rather abysmal. I don’t view this as bad or sad or anything, I started this blog because since I have been a little girl I have kept a diary/journal, so in a sense I am rather glad not many people are reading. It makes this feel more private.

What is disheartening is reading the first posts I made. I wrote like I was talking to someone, making jokes and snarky comments. Now I am just reporting life, not seeing the joy in it. There is no more joy in my life apparently.

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It’s been a minute

Filed under: Health, Manhattan, New York, Personal not private
February 1, 2023

The first time someone said that to me, it was a bartender at a place I hadn’t been to in a few months. It seemed to me a cool way to say, “Haven’t seen you in a coon’s age thought you had died.”.


So, to everyone who may have thought I died, I didn’t. I just disappeared into a deep dark place. I am talking depression, aggravated by excessive alcohol consumption.


My father is an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. I was going to say, “I guess”, but there is no guessing. It is a fact. Today I went to work with the worst headache and feeling like I was going to puke. Yes, hungover.


My reason for writing this here is I know I should quit. So far, I haven’t been able to. Writing it down means, I must think about it. I must face the fact that the amount of alcohol I consume on a weekly basis will kill me. It’s not a maybe or an if. It’s a when.


When I first thought about writing this post, I had a lot more in my head. Now that I have started it, all the pretty words have deserted me. Now I am staring at this screen wondering if I should post it. Do I want the world to know? Oh that’s right, I have 5 maybe 6 people that read this.


Signing off. B

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The State on Pause and Remote Working

Filed under: Emotions, Health, Home, Important Stuff, New York, Personal not private, Technology, Work
April 13, 2020

March 16 was the first day of working remotely, NYS way of saying we are working from home. At first it was until March 30, it is now April 13 and I am still at home.

At first it was, Yay! No getting up early or having to get dressed! And it was fun. Then I started to think about all the things I wasn’t getting done. Not being able to pop by the brewery after work for a pint. The isolation is starting to wear on me.

And then started the petty annoyances, not being able to go anywhere, wanting to sew face masks and not having the supplies and nowhere to buy them. Ordering contacts and not getting them and it’s been a month. Ordering knitting supplies and having the store call me to say they can’t ship them.

Then things started to break, the home button on my iPhone, a knitting needle, and most heart rending of all, my laptop. Yes I am typing this on my iPad with an itty bitty keyboard. At least I have an iPad with a keyboard.

If any thing else breaks, I’m hiding under the bed until July.

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#TimeToTalk

Filed under: Emotions, Family N Friends, Health, Important Stuff, Personal not private, Reblogging
February 7, 2019

This is something to talk about, not hide away or make people ashamed of. Be there for the ones you love.

Happily Ever After*

Hi. I’m Danni and I have Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m presently  untreated, and unmedicated.

I’m pretty high-functioning, though, so most people don’t realize how hard I’m working to keep my eyes open because my depressed brain wants to sleep for 14 hours a day and my anxiety maybe lets me get 5. Or that I’m keeping my limbs tucked in tight partly to be polite and take up less space because I’m paranoid about my size, but mostly because even on a rush hour train I’m afraid an accidental touch from a stranger is going to trigger a bout with the screaming meemees.

I present as perfectly calm, put together, and slightly detached, even aloof sometimes.

Meanwhile the inside of my head looks a bit more like this with a soundtrack of Dani Filth-like shrieks overlaid:

20190119_105632 Storage, after approximately 21 hours of clean up (non-consecutive)

Last year was…

View original post 560 more words

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Making a comeback

Filed under: Home, Manhattan, Miscellanea, Personal not private
May 30, 2018

As I was reading my work e-mails, basically just news articles about the environment, I decided to post one of the articles here. As I was doing so I realized that for a long time, I have not been doing much with this blog. Considering I pay for this site, I really should fix that. Most of my posts lately have been reposting of articles and short snippets.

The first thing I did was update my blog roll. I updated the links because I changed some of my urls. I still ‘own’ them, but they are inactive. Now you can click the link and go to my other blogs. On this site at least, I need to fix my other blogs. Also, if you have been reading maybe you read my rant about Photobucket wanting to charge me $400 to use my own photos. So I have to fix those photos. I think this blog is done. I also fixed the links to, or I should say, removed the links that are no longer valid on my list of “Interesting People”. Some blogs were gone, some had not been posted to in years etc. Along the way I was re-acquainted with some bloggers that I had forgotten about. There was a reason I linked to their blogs. Good reading.

Finally, I put down the beer, made some coffee and put some gluten-free mac-n-cheese in the oven. That is another thing I am trying to do and something else to write about. Trying to stick to my diet, generally eat healthier and not drink so much. Although I do need to work on Phil’s hat, but it is getting a little late. I think my dinner is about done. Hope to be back soon!

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Photobucket is on crack

Filed under: Miscellanea, Personal not private, WTF?
July 31, 2017

Just viewed my blog online. Instead of my pictures there is a notification “Please update your account to enable 3rd party hosting”. Oh all right says I, so I type the link into my browser and go to Photobucket – $399. Yes, $400 to use my photos on my blog. What the actual fuck? When I can just download my pictures and post them on my blog. I really don’t think so. 

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Encouragement

Filed under: Emotions, Family N Friends, Important Stuff, Manhattan, Personal not private
July 13, 2017

My best friend has been encouraging me to go to college. Full disclosure here, it won’t be ‘going back to college’, since I never went. She went to college and has her bachelor’s degree and is now looking at law school. She graduated summa cum laude with a 4.0 GPA. None of which is encouraging me to actually apply for college since I know I won’t do as well. I”m about half as intelligent as she is. However tonight I applied. New York State is offering free tuition.

It isn’t as easy as I hoped it would be.

As I was filling out the application it said I needed to submit my FAFSA ID, which I don’t have and I was routed to the website to apply for FAFSA. So I started the application process, including questions I had no clue so I guessed, I hope I’m right, if not I’ll either owe NYS a billion dollars or go to jail. I can handle jail. I couldn’t handle debt. Anyway, somewhere in this process, in the middle of my soul crushing confusion I tweeted:

Someone replied with a gif of Woody saying “You’ll be fine, Partner”. This is someone that I am pretty sure I have never met in person, just on social media. As I looked at the tweet and thought, “She doesn’t know me”, I then thought of the 80 people who formed a human chain to save 9 people caught in a rip tide. To those 80 people, it may not have seemed like a big deal, but it was a huge deal to the people they saved.

Just like, to the person that responded to my tweet, it might not have seemed like a big deal, just a quick search and post, but it encouraged me. It made me think, that maybe I can do this. Maybe I can start a new chapter in my life. Not life saving maybe, but certainly life changing.
 

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Worst daughter ever

Filed under: Family N Friends, Personal not private
June 14, 2017

In a conversation with someone that doesn’t know me very well.

Her: Do you talk to your mother much?

Me: I call her every year on her anniversary.

Her: Oh that’s nice.

Me: At 4 a.m.

Her: …. Why?

Me: Because revenge is a dish best served cold and unexpectedly.

Her: … …

Me: ** smiles ** 

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Woot woot

Filed under: Miscellanea, News, Personal not private — 2 Comments
June 12, 2017

Sometime back I tweeted about not posting to my blog with my phone. WordPress tweeted back with a link to a tutorial on how to. My reply was, “oh I know how, I don’t like to because tags don’t populate in the field.” Their response lead me to believe it was something they were working on.

Fast forward to today when I came on to post on my knitting blog and while checking out my blogs I follow saw a post about ‘searchable tags’. Color me a happy girl. 😊

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Today was a bad day

Filed under: Cleaning, Health, Home, Manhattan, Personal not private, WTF?
March 30, 2017

Before anyone jumps all over my shit, I know my definition of a bad day is nowhere near as bad as some people’s bad day. Some people have cancer, some people are abused, some people are homeless, have no healthcare, have no friends, voted for Trump and now realize he lied to them. OK that last group I have lost all sympathy for. If you are stupid enough to believe his lies, you deserve all the pain you get.

Whew. Today started good, no work, so no getting up early, in fact I didn’t get up to lunchtime. That’s when the shit hit the fan. It look like I had spilled coffee on my kitchen counter, but to the left of my sink and my coffee maker is to the right of my sink. Then I smelled the liquid and it smelled like vinegar, but I don’t have vinegar in my apartment because I am allergic to it. Then I thought, maybe I spilled beer, you know, maybe I poured a glass of beer, didn’t drink it and when I poured it out I missed the sink (could happen right?), so I started to clean it up, picking up the things on my counter and rinsing them and mopping up the spill, then I noticed it was all over the wall, and on the underside of my cabinets! What the actual FUCK happened here?

I had been boiling water to cook pasta for my lunch. I turned off the water, I cleared off my table, moved everything from my counters to the table and washed the counters and my wall. The liquid seemed to be coming from behind my kitchen cabinets. I looked above them and there were no stains so it wasn’t coming from the apartment above. That leaves only one explanation. Demons. My apartment is possessed by demons. I briefly considered calling my landlord, but decided against it.

Then I got diarrhea, while doing my laundry.

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