Tag Archive: E-Mails


Wall Street Journal, April 23rd, 2015

FULL TEXT:

Wildlife experts said New Yorkers might as well get accustomed to seeing more coyotes after two of the animals were spotted recently in Manhattan.

A coyote gave New York City police officers the slip Wednesday in Riverside Park near the site of Grant’s Tomb. Last week, another coyote was captured in Chelsea.

As the animals continue breeding in the woodland areas of the Bronx, younger coyotes are forced to stake out their own territories to the south, wildlife experts said.

“I do believe it will become a more frequent part of our spring and late fall to see them in Manhattan,” said Mark Weckel, a conservation biologist at the American Museum of Natural History and co-founder of the Gotham Coyote Project, which studies coyotes in New York City.

In addition to the two recently spotted in Manhattan, coyotes have been seen in New Jersey’s Bergen County: One person was bitten in Norwood and another in Saddle River.

Coyotes are common in suburban areas like Norwood, and are found in every county in the state, said Lawrence Hajna, a spokesman for New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection.

“They are a very adaptable creature,” Mr. Hajna said.

The animals have been in the state since at least 1939, he said.

Coyotes were first spotted in New York state in the 1920s, Mr. Weckel said. In the 1940s, coyotes entered the state from its northern border, and during the 1960s, they started coming from the west, he said.

Coyotes made it to Westchester County by the 1970s, and Mr. Weckel said they were first verified in the Bronx during the 1990s.

Coyotes have been known to breed in parks in the Bronx, but there has been no confirmed breeding in other parts of the city or on Long Island, Mr. Weckel said.

Coyotes feed on rodents, deer, rabbits and fruit.

“When the young become mature, they are basically pushed out of their territory” by their parents, said Joe Pane, principal fish and wildlife biologist with the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation.

As coyotes run out of available territories in the wooded areas of Westchester County and the Bronx, many travel along the Hudson River or even down the tracks of the Metro-North Railroad in search of their own territory in Manhattan.

“It’s been confirmed there are breeding pairs in a number of [Bronx] parks and that’s consistent with this theory that this population of coyotes really have been expanding in New York state and moving southward since like the 1930s,” said Sarah Aucoin, director of the Urban Park Rangers with the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation.

“New York [City] is at the southern end of New York state, so it sort of makes sense they would be last to arrive here in the state,” she said.

Coyotes have grown adept at surviving in other big-city environments, such as Chicago.

In 2006, there were an estimated 2,000 coyotes living in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs, according to Stanley Gehrt, associate professor at the Ohio State University’s School of Environment and Natural Resources, who has been studying coyotes around the Chicago area for 15 years.

That number is higher now, he says.

“Once they got established in the nooks and crannies of the metro area, they responded quickly to available food and water and the relative safety in the city,” Mr. Gehrt said.

New York state and New York City don’t have population estimates for coyotes.

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Dear old demented Dad. Although I have heard this joke before, except when I heard it the person getting the loan was a blond.

 His name might have been Bubba. He was from Mississippi, and he needed a loan, so…he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000, and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral to obtain a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumnus from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and a Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The good ‘ole boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Keep an eye on those southern boys! Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.

And yes, dear old dad is a good ‘ole boy.

More e-mail jokes

These are not my jokes. In fact they weren’t even sent to me. They were sent to someone I used to supervise, who used her work e-mail to get and receive jokes and letters from her daughter ….. I never did see any work related e-mails in her in or out box. Oh well. Poor thing had a brain tumor and died recently.

BRAIN CRAMPS

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

— Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey {Cause flies and death just don’t look good}

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. {I think that was a wise decision}

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. {Those pesky murderers ruining your crime stats!}

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”
–Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas. {You said it}

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark {Is he trying to be Yogi?}

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President

And . .

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
–Al Gore, VP

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca {That’s a valid question. Isn’t it?}

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” –
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. {I think he just proved his point}

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. {And what is your definition of discriminate then?}

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
–Bill Clinton, President

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery {And the rest of them come from …..? }

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman {I just hate it when I wake up dead.}

Feeling smarter yet?

Old dogs

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.


The old German Shepherd thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?’


Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’ says the panther, ‘That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!’


Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.


The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.


The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!’


Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says…

‘Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!’

Moral of this story
  

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
 BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don’t send this to some ‘old’ friends right away
,there will be fewer people laughing in the world.


Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more ‘youthfully challenged’.



You did notice the size of the print, didn’t you?

LOL . . .

I really did Laugh Out Loud!!!

How about you???

You know what Smurfs are right? Well they were in my iPhone today. I can’t prove it because I couldn’t see them, but I know they were here.

One of the first things I do when I get to work is check my personal e-mail. Since our internet use is monitored, I check it on my iPhone. I have 5 e-mail accounts, checking them on my iPhone is easy because I have all the accounts synced and I can look at all of them at once. An error message was popping up that my user name or password was incorrect, for just one of the accounts; also I hadn’t changed my user name or password. Those two facts, that it was only one account and I hadn’t changed my password lead me to the only logical conclusion.

Smurfs.

As soon as they realized I could still check my mail through the web browser on my iPhone, they gave up their little game and I was able to check through the e-mail icon. Can’t trust anyone whose natural color is blue. Just ask any Star Trek captain.

Apple Fan Girl

Do you know anyone that is an Apple Fan? I don’t know if I can really say I am an Apple Fan since I just have an iPod and an iPhone. But I do love them.

The iPod I have had for a while, I kept it when I got my iPod touch so I would have something to take to the gym. Also it has my name engraved in it. Then this week I got the iPhone 4 and I absolutely love it. LOVE IT! It is very similar to my iPod touch so it wasn’t hard for me to figure out how to use it, I have had a few glitches, I didn’t realize I had to set up my voice mail and I had to add my contacts and apps by hand.

But what I like is the battery lasts all day. I go online, I check twitter, facebook, my e-mail and whatever and the battery lasted from this morning until I got ready for bed. Not only that, but my sparq can be used to charge it. This makes me happy.

All my apps work, except Facetime, which I used twice with my iPod and I don’t really see why I need it.

Any new gadgets in your possession?

>Reading SPAM

>Sometimes when I’m bored I go through my SPAM mail. I always wonder why there are e-mails from Zales, iTunes, Sephora, Sony, Land End, WeightWatchers and Victoria’s Secret in my SPAM folder, since I also get them in my regular inbox. I’m thinking maybe there is something different about this e-mail address or maybe there are too many links in the e-mail? Since I normally just delete those e-mails I don’t think about it too long.

Then there are all the ‘earn cash’, adds for Viagra and Cialis (don’t use), some guy named Michael who wants to send hundreds of hits to my website so I can make hundreds of dollars, (is this blog considered a website?) and the matchmakers who have found 3 matches near my zipcode (its always 3) and someone who thinks I can read Chinese (I can’t, I can kind of sort of read Spanish). There are also the foreign government officials, or their wives, daughters, mistresses, dogs, cats (o.k. I made those last two up) who want me to launder money for them.

However, when I was reading how to get my Ђ 650,000 Euros from the lottery in the Netherlands that I didn’t enter, G-Mail flashed a big red warning across the top of the e-mail saying not to click any links or give them any personal information, which kind of bummed me out since to get the prize I had to tell them:

1. Name:
2. Address:
3. Age:
4. Sex:
5. Marital Status:
6. Occupation:
7. Country of Residence:
8. Nationality:
9. Telephone Number:
10. Fax Number:
11. Draw Number above:
12. Next of kin

I also wasn’t supposed to discuss this with anyone, for security reasons and unscrupulous elements. I guess I’m not going to get the money.

Seriously, you really shouldn’t open SPAM e-mails, definitely don’t click on any links in them if you do and don’t believe them when they say they have money for you. It is a scam. It is best to just leave them where they are, in the SPAM folder where they will be automatically deleted. I opened them to provide you with this information and to protect you. That is just how much I love my readers. (I also used my work computer, why not infect the State of New York’s operating system? So much fun.)

>E-mail joke

>A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty  explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”

(you’re gonna luv this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says…

“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

>my new e-mail

>and I am wondering if it will be a better way to send my posts in. I am always looking for NEW! BETTER! FASTER! ways to blog. Time will tell if this is it.

>Post 1,031

>One day I looked at my dashboard and was amazed, I was over 1,000 post for just this blog. I wish I had noticed it when I made 1,000, I would have had a party. Not a contest. My last contest died a quiet death and I don’t believe anyone misses it.

What I really came on here to blog about was another e-mail I received. “Chase Utley News is now following you on Twitter!” Hey wait a minute, isn’t Chase Utley a Phillies player? Didn’t he score like 4 runs off of CC in game one of the 2009 World Series? So why does he want to follow me? When I go to check out his profile I see that he is also following “yankeesgame” Maybe he’s trying to keep track of the competition.