Just a quick post to remember the day, it was sudden and I was here, he was there so I didn’t get to say good-bye, something that matters only to me.
So last night I was walking home and this woman was ahead of me on the sidewalk, this guy starts talking to her dog, homeless guy I think, or drunk, anyway I walked out in the street to take pictures of the trees with blue lights on them. When I came back on the sidewalk she had stopped to talk to a man walking his dogs, so I walked behind him. His dachshie ran toward me, it was a mini, a puppy mini very small and very mini. I thought, You are a very friendly dog. I then looked at the dog the woman had been walking, and got scared. So I walked on.
Why did I get scared? He had a “HI PLEASE FEED ME!” look on his face, he was also a puppy, and friendly. So why did I run? When I was a very little girl I got bitten by a dog. It wasn’t a stray dog, it was the family pet and I am told I deserved it. Not in so many words of course, but through the years that is the memory I’ve retained. I took the dog’s bone, the dog bit me, it wasn’t the dog’s fault, it was mine. At two years old I should have KNOWN not to take a bone away from a dog. I have no memory of this, my only memory is being told it happened and seeing a slide of me with the dog, and I was crying. The slide is black and white so you can’t even see if there was blood. I have no visible scars from this event either. No marks on my face or arms or legs to ever show I was bitten by a dog.
My scars therefore, must be on the inside. When I see a black and white dog, with a long pointed noise and upright ears, I get scared. I won’t walk down a street if such a dog is there. Big black dogs that run up to the fence and bark ferociously don’t scare me as much. Of course people laugh at me, for being afraid of a ‘little dog’. I get defensive, I don’t want to be afraid. The truth is, I am afraid and embarrassed of being afraid, because I don’t know how to not be afraid.
This was one of those days when I wanted to do this. Lie in the grass in the shade. There were two reasons I couldn’t.
One is Em was here and we were walking around, lunch and nail appointment and giving money to Greenpeace. The second reason is –
I’m allergic to grass.
There is now proof that the Green Train is an instrument of Satan. There is a big picture of a girl with butterflies coming out of her mouth and everyone knows butterflies are evil. Well, my best friend will tell you butterflies are evil.
Actually it is just an ad for a movie coming out August 30 called “Possession”. Can you picture the audition for the girl?
‘So can you roll your eyes back into your head? Let’s see. No all the way back, now spit out butterflies!’
Grand Central Terminal, where everyone waits. For a train, for the subway, for the lady to toast your bagel, for friends coming to visit, and for the Apple store to open.
The other day I told a friend about a hat I had made. She didn’t seem to understand what I was saying so I decided to show her.
Problem was, when I went to find it, I couldn’t. I asked Gwen if I had left it with her. She didn’t have it. I looked through all my boxes and bins. No brown beret. It was upsetting. Not only could I not show my friend, I had no hat to wear to church this winter.
Since Em was coming to the City today, I decided to go to TJ Maxx to look for another hat and found this one. Tigger said he thought it looked good on me, Em said it was nicer then the other one. So now I can be styling with my new hat.
This little guy was taking advantage of my fire escape, so I took the opportunity to take his picture.
Belleza
just a city girl 