Archive for April, 2013

I stopped writing about my commute because I was tired of writing the same thing everyday. I figured everyone must be tired of reading it too. Then I changed to the #4 and it just sat there! There were 5 million people on the train and it only holds 2 million etc. Anyway, things have changed in my commute.

The first thing is my route to the subway station has changed. This is the sidewalk I normally walk on to get to the subway. I don’t know what they are doing here but the sidewalk is almost completely blocked off. This picture was taken on my way home, in the morning the workers are there and you can’t walk up nearly this far. So they have made a ‘pedestrian walkway’.
Which is just cones put out on the road to re-direct traffic, and this is a rather narrow road, it makes more sense to walk on the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Which I would do except,

IMG_1558They are working on the entrance to the subway, so I have to cross the street anyway. So walking down to 96th Street is really the best way to go except, there is a fruit stand at 95th and 3rd where I like to get my breakfast, and being human I am a creature of habit and automatically turn left at 95th street. I also don’t like having to change my routine. After two years of walking the same way to the subway I have to do something different and it annoys me. So I come here to vent and to post pictures, I am really just trying to get back into the habit of writing so if this bores you or YOU are annoyed that with all the bad things happening lately I am going on about having to change my routine, I’m sorry I’m not sorry. Meaning I don’t feel bad about writing this. Because of all the bad that happened last week, I need to get back to my routine and the MTA is not helping! If you are still reading this, thank you for reading and I promise I’ll get better.

There have always been things that scare me, when I was little it was thunderstorms and the dark. As I got older it was Mike and Philip, two nasty neighbor boys. When I started driving it was other drivers and for a while I was afraid of life size stuffed animals. Then I started reading true crime books and it was serial killers and dating. As I got older I learned to file these frights away in a compartment in my brain I never go. After a beautiful September morning in 2001 I became afraid of terrorists and planes. I filed those memories away too. Stuffed them in the closet and locked the door.

Yesterday afternoon the door got blown off it’s hinges. I hope the face I presented to my co-workers and people at large didn’t reflect the chaos inside me. As I saw the orange flames of the explosion in Boston yesterday I also saw orange flames pouring out of a building a building that collapsed taking thousands with it, and I remember another image from my childhood, of a masked man on a balcony, another terrorist act at a major sporting event. An event that happened in another country but an image that has endured.

The reports of people running to help also brings back memories, of people running to help victims trapped in a building and paying for it with their lives. A man yesterday ran to help some children and paid for it with his legs.

Last night as I was walking around the store, not knowing why I was there and trying not to cry or have a breakdown in public or explode, I kept telling myself to stop feeling like that, that I had no right to feel as upset as I did, because I wasn’t hurt and no one I loved was hurt. Today I sit here and type this and realize that in Boston, there are people feeling like I felt, and it hurts me, because those are feelings I wouldn’t wish on anyone.