Archive for May, 2013


Oh you fancy?

It started with the yogurt. When I was on Weight Watchers I started eating non-fat Greek yogurt, the reason being Greek yogurt is high in protein (18g in 6 ounces of plain non-fat Greek yogurt, 9g in 6 ounces of regular non-fat yogurt). This guy, (who’ll I’ll call Guy) walks back and asks what I’m eating, after telling him he says “Oh fancy yogurt.” From then on he called it “Your special fancy yogurt.” which really pissed me off. It was more the way he said it, which to me sounded like, “Oh you think you’re so special (better than everybody else) you have to have special fancy yogurt.” Like my ‘specialness went that far’. NO I think I’m fat and need to lose weight. When I tried explaining it to him, in an effort to get him to stop saying it, Guy insisted that’s not how he meant it. He meant it as a compliment.

Fast forward to this week, Guy and I go get lunch, I got chicken cutlet with mixed vegetables. The deli gave us plastic forks, which I don’t like using, so when we got back to the office I went to my cubicle and got a flatware fork. Immediately he says, “Oh you had to get your fancy fork.” I almost stabbed him with it. It’s not fancy, I’ve had plastic forks break when stuck into food, sometimes they won’t stick into food the tines bend, if I had been by myself (which is how I prefer to have my lunch) I would have told the deli people I didn’t need a fork. If I had brought my plate he would have said “You had to get your special plate” (oh wait, my plate is special, it’s heart shaped and says LOVE on it). You might be thinking why don’t I just say “No” when he asks me to get lunch with him? It’s not just that he pays for lunch, if I say “No, I brought my lunch” then for the next month he goes on about how hurt he was, how if it was him, he would have left his lunch for the next day. Reinforcing the “You think your so special, better than everybody else.” I’m not special, I’m an introvert and need my alone time.

Then there’s the favorites, my FAVORITE deli, and if I find a new place I like, your FAVORITE new place. All with that special inflection on favorite that makes me want to spit. There’s a word for what you’re doing Guy, its called “HARASSMENT”.

Dear Co-Worker:

As you know I have the job of cleaning the refrigerator every Friday, that means I throw out leftovers and spoiled food. I find it hilarious that this is my responsibility, my refrigerator at home has beer, energy drinks, pitcher of water and a carton of milk in it. Even more hilarious is despite being a single girl living alone in Manhattan whose idea of ‘gourmet’ cooking is stirring a spoonful of hot sauce into her boxed macaroni and cheese, I apparently know more about food storage than you do.

For instance, I know that if you leave strawberries in the refrigerator for three weeks they get all this nice gray fuzz on them. Except its not nice, IT’S DISGUSTING!

It is probably a good thing I don’t know who you are, since you would probably have found moldy strawberries in your desk on Monday. So to keep things nice it would be better if you didn’t come to my desk and complain about the fact that I threw out your berries. We really don’t want to find out if I actually took my Workplace Violence training to heart.

Love, ME

Coney Island

Sarah started sending me texts, wait I need to backtrack, the last time Sarah came to visit she said she wanted to spend more time in the City, I guess this is her plan. So she starts sending me texts about a Groupon for Luna Park in Coney Island, a 4-hour wristband and ride on the Cyclone. So I said sure, not realizing she meant this weekend. All right then, so she comes down Saturday to spend the night and Sunday we get on the subway to go to Coney Island. The first thing we did was ride the Cyclone.

Sarah wanted to go on the water ride. I didn’t it was a cold day and I was freezing, not literally freezing you understand, but cold enough that I didn’t want to go on a water ride. She decided she didn’t need me to go with her. I took a video of her on the ride, well what was I supposed to do?

After going on a few, HIGH THRILL rides, Sarah decided she wanted to go on the Wonder Wheel when she saw the cars don’t just go around they move inside the wheel. So we went up, this next video was shot by me holding my phone up against the side of the car. It looks like the ground is moving but it is the car moving.

We had a great time, we took one break so I could have a beer and Sarah got a slice of pizza and some cotton candy. At the end of the day we went to Tom’s Diner. Nice place, I had the fattest BLT I have ever seen.