- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
- The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
- There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
- Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Everytime I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB-gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.
- Why is a school zone 40kph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Tag Archive: E-Mails
>Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss
Afternoon Tea
1 The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips
Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars
Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. That’s why I had to pass this on, I didn’t want to risk it.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog does. Pee on it and walk away.
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch..
When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a
bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a
bitch.
Being a bitch
means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I ‘should’ be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won’t succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B ~ Babe
I ~ In
T ~ Total
C ~ Control of
H ~ Herself
B ~ Beautiful
I ~ Intelligent
T ~ Talented
C ~ Charming
H ~ Hell of a Woman
B ~ Beautiful
I ~ Individual
T ~ That
C ~ Can
H ~ Handle ‘anything’
>My dad sent me this cool YouTube link. I decided to post the link instead of put the video here because I think you will enjoy it better if you can see it full screen. Here is what it is about:
This fun YouTube video features a 1980s pop classic. The rock band Toto scored their biggest hit with Africa in 1982. The song is instantly recognizable. But it has been reinvented.
Perpetuum Jazzile is an a cappella jazz choir from Slovenia. It’s hard to think of something further from an ‘80s rock band. But their version of Africa may best the original. The group has amazing voices.
But the beginning of this video is really striking. Group members simulate an African thunderstorm with their hands.
It’s really something to see and hear.(Don’t turn up your sound – the sound of raindrops begins really soft.)
>YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when..
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to.
I am Getting a Life
>The New York Times
Friday, July 31, 2009
—————————————-
To view this e-mail with images and links, go to: ~The New York Times~
—————————————-
Trust and Ye Shall Rock Out
—————————————-
By MELENA RYZIK
Friday, July 31, 2009
Were you stymied by the beer line or the ferry wait at All Points West last year? The promoters behind this year’s festival felt your pain, and have promised to fix things this weekend. Head to Liberty State Park for Jay-Z, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Weekend and more; hopefully your trust will be rewarded.
>Friday morning we (Em, Tigger, Fred and me) planned to go down to the Today Show to see the Fray. I opened my E-mail Thursday when I got back from getting my hair done to see the following e-mail.
TODAY Show Concert Postponement ~ THE FRAY
Concert Postponement: THE FRAY
It is with sincere apologies that the TODAY Show announces the postponement of The Fray performance, scheduled for Friday, June 26th, due to the death of Michael Jackson.
I was very upset, when I first saw this, got as far as due to the death of and thought someone from the Fray had died. Then I got mad that because that creepy little freak had died, I wasn’t going to get to see the Fray.
That may seem like a cold response to hearing that someone had died, I am not really like that. I was upset when I heard that Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett died, I feel no such thing for Michael Jackson.
Back to Friday. We still went down to the city, just not as early and we didn’t go to the plaza. We did go to the Top of the Rock, since Fred had never been. It started to rain so Em and I went inside, the boys stayed outside and kept taking pictures. Em said, “My children are morons.” After we left Rockefeller Center we bought 2 umbrellas from a street vendor, then walked up to Central Park. We were just walking around, Em wanted to show Fred the Chess & Checkers House (mid-Park at 64th Street), when we got up there I started sneezing and wheezing. I told Em I had to leave there was something there I was allergic to. As we walked back down the stairs, Fred said, “Maybe these purple flowers?” I said, “No smells like white flowers.” Em turned to me with a grin, “I was going to say the same thing!” I can’t explain it, but years dealing with allergies has given me the ability to smell the color of flowers.
Leaving Central Park we went to Cafe Frida, but they weren’t open yet. So we walked to the Crocs store. Fred’s feet were really bothering him and he wanted sandals. After lunch we went to Maria Tash, by subway (can you believe it? Em went on the subway!) so I could get my ears pierced. This isn’t a great pic, I took it right after I left the piercing spa. My ears were still swollen and red.
>Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa P. Jackson visited Kansas today to mark the kickoff of the Obama Administration’s “United We Serve” initiative. Administrator Jackson joined local students to monitor and help clean up the Missouri and Kansas Rivers at Kaw Point Park in Kansas. Students tested mercury levels in fish, measured water quality and used boats to pick up trash along the Rivers’ banks.
United We Serve is President Obama’s summer service initiative. It is a call to all Americans to join a volunteer effort this summer and be part of building a new foundation for America, one community at a time. United We Serve officially starts Monday, June 22, and runs through the National Day of Service and Remembrance on September 11th.
A new national web site for United We Serve (www.serve.gov) lists thousands of opportunities to get involved. There are many ways to get involved including through Adopt Your Watershed where you can work for clean water by joining with local organizations to monitor water quality, restore habitat, build rain gardens, plant trees, or clean up debris.
Visit www.serve.gov to find volunteer opportunities in your area, and choose the one that best suits your interests. More information on EPA’s three service programs visit www.epa.gov.
>Have you received this e-mail? Maybe you’ve received one like it.
TOO Busy for a Friend?One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room On two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of Their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as The students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate Sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual..
There is more to the e-mail, but if you have received it you know the rest, the end of the e-mail has a plea to forward the e-mail on, with a tug . . .
If
You’ve received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there Is probably at least someone for whom you care.If
You’re ‘too busy’ to take those few minutes right now to forward this Message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn’t do that little Thing that would make a difference in your relationships?The More people that you send this to, the better you’ll be at reaching out to Those you care about.
Remember, you reap what you sow.. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.
May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You are
Emotional blackmail is what I call it, but that is not what bothers me, (I mean my mother has been doing that to me for years) what bothers me is I don’t always pass them on. Especially if I have received it before, if it has statements in it that I don’t agree with, so on and so forth. Sometimes I will just return it to the person that sent it to me. I don’t think that makes me a bad person to not do this, the fact is, it isn’t just a few minutes or a minor inconvenience, I don’t just have friends in my e-mail address book, I get newsletters and offers for books to read for review, I have to go through my address book and pick out who I want to send this to, who I think won’t be bothered by getting something like this.
I know posting this will not stop these e-mails from coming, I just wanted to voice my opinion about it.
The WaterSense program has refined its draft labeling specification for single-family new homes (initially released in May 2008). The revised draft specification addresses efficient plumbing fixtures, hot water delivery systems, appliances, landscape design and irrigation.
The revised specification will ensure that future WaterSense labeled homes still use 20% less water than similar new homes, while reducing the burden and cost to the builders. The modifications to the previous draft specification have built in some additional flexibility; the changes include:
- Hot water delivery systems – New performance standards no longer require specific types of hot water delivery systems or insulation of hot water pipes.
- Landscaping – The revised landscaping criteria allow for a wider variety of landscaping options.
- Irrigation systems – Additional requirements for minimum distribution uniformity values and rain shutoff devices increase the efficiency of newly installed irrigation systems.
- Water budget tool – An improved resource, the water budget tool, better reflects growing seasons and plant water requirements.
- Inspection guidelines- An optional sampling protocol adds flexibility and streamlines the inspection process for production builders.
These changes reflect further research, stakeholder comments and industry best practices. Once the specification is finalized, homes built and inspected to the specification will bear the WaterSense label. The updated specification for single-family new homes will be available for public comment through July 7, 2009. EPA anticipates releasing the final Water-Efficient Single-Family New Home Specification in late 2009. EPA welcomes input on the revisions made to the specification, and encourages all interested parties to view the most recent documents and provide comments. In addition, EPA plans to hold at least one public meeting on the revisions in June 2009. Visit EPA Watersense to learn more about the Water-Efficient Single- Family New Home Specification.
Belleza
just a (transplanted) city girl 