Category: Uncategorized


5 years ago

and a week or so …  

 

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While scrolling through my twitter feed I came across the following tweet.

Even though I grew up in the South I have been living in New York for almost all of my adult life, I was sure I would be familiar with most of these foods. As this list demonstrates New York and New England have some major differences at least food wise. A few of these I have eaten, some I have known of for years, some friends have talked about but most had me scratching my head and saying: “What the ….”

The link in the tweet takes you an article with only 9 of them, the following link is for the original article with all 22 items.

22 Things You’ve Definitely Eaten If You Grew Up In New England

After saying “What I missed not growing up in New England!” @eladyland said, Florida probably has a list too; hmmm no, not really. After giving it serious consideration, I could only come up with two, and one of those is southern not Florida specific. Biscuits and gravy, and strawberry shortcake.

The strawberry shortcake I am talking about it the kind you get at the Strawberry festival in Plant City. Where you get a plate with a biscuit on it, a huge biscuit, split in half, then you walk along a table with a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream and pile them on.

Biscuits and gravy is not a Florida food. I don’t even know if you can get it there. The gravy is sausage gravy, basically a white sauce with sausage in it. The sausage is cooked before adding to the gravy so its not real greasy, but you can still feel it sticking to your arteries when you eat it. The biscuits are huge, as big as my brother’s hand. You can’t get it here in NYC, it used to be available at Denny’s or Perkins but no more. Even when they had it the biscuits were small.

Whenever I go visit my parents I make them take me to every restaurant in driving distance that serves biscuits and gravy. I just love it.

Those are the foods I remember from my childhood. Everything else, is pretty much what everybody had as a child.

Loser

Sometimes I feel like a total loser. Like tonight, which is why I am writing this instead of sleeping, which is what I should be doing.

It’s not that everything in my life is going bad, or I did a lot of things wrong. It was just one thing, just one thing that turned me upside down and convinced me that I can do nothing right. I got upset about something, but I felt I shouldn’t have been upset, there was no good reason to be upset. I started hearing the voices in my head condemning me for being demanding and unreasonable. Instead of just moving on I have let it become a black hole that I can’t move on from.

The worst thing is the tears, because I am upset, I’m doubly upset, once for what happened and for being upset when I feel I shouldn’t be. I even wrote down the reasons why I shouldn’t be upset ending with “I’m not special, stop thinking that.” I stopped short of saying how stupid I was and what a horrible mess of things I have made.

So I tried to fix it, so I wouldn’t get upset and disappointed again, and now I’m afraid I’ve made things worse which will of course make me an even bigger loser.

Asumptions

You saw me walking through Port Authority with my iPhone in hand, I don’t know what you thought when you saw me but whatever it was you approached me and asked for money. I said no.

Normally that ends it, the panhandler says ‘God bless you anyway’, and moves on. For some reason you decided to try to talk me into giving you some money. You told me about getting money from another lady, how she made you promise not to spend it on alcohol or drugs and that you promised her that, you assured me that you weren’t going to get drugs or alcohol, that you needed the money because you had a job interview and needed to get nicer clothes and cleaned up. All of that could be true, what is also true is what I said, I had no money to give you. You chose not to believe me, in fact you directed me to the Bank America so I could get money from the ATM. I thought about the man on the subway who smiled and thanked me for the orange I gave him. I got angry and walked away.

When I saw you I didn’t assume that you were lazy, a drunkard, or a drug addict. What did you assume when you saw me? Did the fact that I have an iPhone make you think I’m rich? That because my boots are expensive, new and shiny that I have money to burn? I’m not rich, I don’t have money to burn. My iPhone is not the latest model, I bought my boots from a discount store and they were shiny because I had just got them shined. You didn’t know that, you also didn’t know I was at PANY because a friend was stranded and I just bought her food and a bus ticket home, which is why I was smiling and in a good mood. I don’t expect you to care about these facts, but you expect me to believe you when you say you need money for a job interview, all I’m asking from you is for you to believe me.

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Outside my apartment door.

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There is still snow in the playground, park.

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I keep forgetting the subway stairs are being repaired.

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My eczema is getting worse. Need to use my cream more.
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Finally headed home.

2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,100 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 18 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

There have always been things that scare me, when I was little it was thunderstorms and the dark. As I got older it was Mike and Philip, two nasty neighbor boys. When I started driving it was other drivers and for a while I was afraid of life size stuffed animals. Then I started reading true crime books and it was serial killers and dating. As I got older I learned to file these frights away in a compartment in my brain I never go. After a beautiful September morning in 2001 I became afraid of terrorists and planes. I filed those memories away too. Stuffed them in the closet and locked the door.

Yesterday afternoon the door got blown off it’s hinges. I hope the face I presented to my co-workers and people at large didn’t reflect the chaos inside me. As I saw the orange flames of the explosion in Boston yesterday I also saw orange flames pouring out of a building a building that collapsed taking thousands with it, and I remember another image from my childhood, of a masked man on a balcony, another terrorist act at a major sporting event. An event that happened in another country but an image that has endured.

The reports of people running to help also brings back memories, of people running to help victims trapped in a building and paying for it with their lives. A man yesterday ran to help some children and paid for it with his legs.

Last night as I was walking around the store, not knowing why I was there and trying not to cry or have a breakdown in public or explode, I kept telling myself to stop feeling like that, that I had no right to feel as upset as I did, because I wasn’t hurt and no one I loved was hurt. Today I sit here and type this and realize that in Boston, there are people feeling like I felt, and it hurts me, because those are feelings I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

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